ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
