I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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