Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
