it wasn't lemon gatorade
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize