A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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