I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
