dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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