I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
