I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
