U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize