I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize