I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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