My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
