how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
