I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
