My friends, they love my intelligence
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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