Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize