Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
