Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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