she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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