people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
