Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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