Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
