I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so let's talk penis.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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