My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
