Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wanna passion pit in your ass
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
