note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
