I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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