I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize