handjob tips. give me some.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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