There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
