So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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