....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
