how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
