eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
