the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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