It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You've changed since you got that strap on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
