it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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