Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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