Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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