I bet he comes in French.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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