U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
