I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
