So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My vagina just clenched in fear
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
