I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
