You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I love you.
Bad choice
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
