Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
