i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
