Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize