Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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