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How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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