Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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