capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
