I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I didn't notice because vodka
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize