I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
