So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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