Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
