If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
