I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
