Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
