I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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