Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
