Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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